I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Is it because I queefed?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
