So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
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Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...