Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.

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  (828): everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard. http://tfl.nu/9kw6
  Replies (7) Good night (2451) Bad night (976)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me

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  (610): we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me http://tfl.nu/jltn
  Replies (49) Good night (718) Bad night (6620)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  didn't feel it. :)

  (217): View more from Illinois

  It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

  (1-217): View more from Illinois

  wait what? so it's not in america?

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  (217): Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning (1-217): didn't feel it. :) (217): It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't. (1-217): wait what? so it's not in america? http://tfl.nu/0q24
  Replies (65) Good night (1187) Bad night (8675)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"

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  (606): I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?" http://tfl.nu/ecul
  Replies (56) Good night (1026) Bad night (5095)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.

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  (443): This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night. http://tfl.nu/mfsu
  Replies (17) Good night (5008) Bad night (960)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.

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  (630): We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas. http://tfl.nu/1h9b
  Replies (14) Good night (5979) Bad night (1119)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.

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  (850): My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper. http://tfl.nu/6jx2
  Replies (15) Good night (2929) Bad night (968)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless

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  (703): if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless http://tfl.nu/r1y7
  Replies (4) Good night (1205) Bad night (659)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"

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  (712): I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it" http://tfl.nu/ijmk
  Replies (19) Good night (2625) Bad night (631)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him

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  (519): he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him http://tfl.nu/dkoo
  Replies (3) Good night (1227) Bad night (634)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer

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  (513): He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer http://tfl.nu/5hwv
  Replies (2) Good night (791) Bad night (443)
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  (716): View more from New York

  I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.

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  (716): I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming. http://tfl.nu/r1ch
  Replies (6) Good night (1509) Bad night (432)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.

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  (850): I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute. http://tfl.nu/idmm
  Replies (2) Good night (1228) Bad night (328)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  I thought I was just out of shape.

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  (954): How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck? (1-954): I thought I was just out of shape. http://tfl.nu/t7eu
  Replies (0) Good night (517) Bad night (433)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  To be fair I was thirsty

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"

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  (780): You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar (1-780): To be fair I was thirsty (780): When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!" http://tfl.nu/ztbw
  Replies (1) Good night (731) Bad night (290)

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