Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night

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  (440): obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night http://tfl.nu/wlim
  Replies (100) Good night (3183) Bad night (1139)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I cherish every text you send me

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  (410): I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland (412): I cherish every text you send me http://tfl.nu/05mc
  Replies (49) Good night (6226) Bad night (783)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk

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  (410): After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk http://tfl.nu/jjss
  Replies (4) Good night (4968) Bad night (632)
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.

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  (705): Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world. http://tfl.nu/0fm4
  Replies (9) Good night (6636) Bad night (1157)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

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  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (22) Good night (5443) Bad night (2416)
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  (714): View more from California

  I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister

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  (714): I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister http://tfl.nu/d8wy
  Replies (13) Good night (3883) Bad night (932)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.

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  (917): I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night. http://tfl.nu/k21o
  Replies (14) Good night (650) Bad night (1062)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos

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  (570): Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos http://tfl.nu/gb6j
  Replies (4) Good night (1213) Bad night (497)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.

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  (978): Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman. http://tfl.nu/t3af
  Replies (2) Good night (981) Bad night (403)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan

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  (770): You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan http://tfl.nu/kbvj
  Replies (1) Good night (597) Bad night (341)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.

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  (412): I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help. http://tfl.nu/c3ar
  Replies (6) Good night (417) Bad night (769)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me

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  (+44): Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me http://tfl.nu/vnu7
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (398)
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  (951): View more from California

  oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.

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  (951): oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin. http://tfl.nu/odt8
  Replies (2) Good night (704) Bad night (289)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Didn't you used to babysit him?

  (607): View more from New York

  18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.

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  (603): Didn't you used to babysit him? (607): 18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine. http://tfl.nu/bfck
  Replies (8) Good night (1579) Bad night (415)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night

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  (508): My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night http://tfl.nu/kcjw
  Replies (3) Good night (916) Bad night (281)

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