i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
