Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
