I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.