I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.