her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
