I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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