my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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