but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
