hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
