so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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