How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
