just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
