It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
