This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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