There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
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She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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