There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
