i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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