Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
