I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
