First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
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I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me