Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...