Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.