Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
