There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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