I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
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I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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