If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
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She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
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I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize