I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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