maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
