i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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