so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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