Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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