the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
