there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay