im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME