I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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