Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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