She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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