Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
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my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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