How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
