i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
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The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
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