I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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