He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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