Texts From Last Night

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  (845): View more from New York

  It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.

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  (845): It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time. http://tfl.nu/ka3h
  Replies (7) Good night (2716) Bad night (819)
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  (626): View more from California

  she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song

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  (626): she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song http://tfl.nu/tlf6
  Replies (35) Good night (1707) Bad night (4440)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"

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  (270): At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back" http://tfl.nu/lhve
  Replies (9) Good night (4932) Bad night (886)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"

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  (860): she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner" http://tfl.nu/hbdd
  Replies (38) Good night (5959) Bad night (732)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?

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  (214): I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him? http://tfl.nu/482n
  Replies (88) Good night (1121) Bad night (10124)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.

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  (248): he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question. http://tfl.nu/v6vq
  Replies (11) Good night (1076) Bad night (4692)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.

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  (617): i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line. http://tfl.nu/bi31
  Replies (6) Good night (1112) Bad night (2796)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow

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  (908): almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow http://tfl.nu/cscz
  Replies (13) Good night (4661) Bad night (989)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.

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  (503): I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day. http://tfl.nu/c6qn
  Replies (12) Good night (1672) Bad night (741)
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  (607): View more from New York

  There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.

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  (607): There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor. http://tfl.nu/j4bf
  Replies (13) Good night (2693) Bad night (797)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless

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  (920): I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless http://tfl.nu/u2yk
  Replies (2) Good night (1344) Bad night (468)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.

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  (850): I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again. http://tfl.nu/tqvr
  Replies (5) Good night (844) Bad night (322)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.

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  (419): I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck. http://tfl.nu/7r7g
  Replies (3) Good night (390) Bad night (1022)
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  (661): View more from California

  Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.

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  (661): Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time. http://tfl.nu/7gap
  Replies (2) Good night (520) Bad night (840)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.

  (917): View more from New York City

  So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?

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  (914): Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid. (917): So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then? http://tfl.nu/rhd2
  Replies (2) Good night (534) Bad night (314)

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