he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.