after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why