i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
