think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
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We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.