I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.