I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.