porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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