I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
