Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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