I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
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if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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