Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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