I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later