I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.