and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.