alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
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did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
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Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with