Duck Duck Cougar?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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