I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
