Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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