dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
