she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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