Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
