can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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